he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
