Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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