wakey wakey hands off snakey
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
