on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Never underestimate the power of titties
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