Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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