I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
