how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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