dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
