It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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