At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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