I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
