He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
