i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
