Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
