I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize