I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
