I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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