Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
