Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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