note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
