hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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