i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
