Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
