these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
