the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
