Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
