My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
