Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
