I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
