Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
