I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
