Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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