you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
