If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
