just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
