Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my being single is dangerous.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize