Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize