That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
