Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
