She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
