Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
