I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
