420 ftw
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
