you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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