i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
