why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
