please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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