Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Be still, my beating vagina.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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