you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
