I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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