if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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