He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
