Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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