So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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