As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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