She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
