I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
