yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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