Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
