i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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