I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
