ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
