roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
