I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
