You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
