something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
