Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
