I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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