Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
