Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
