How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
